Wow! It feels like its been forever since I blogged. When I was having horrible days, Tumble was my go to site. Now, I occasionally think of it. I’ve been going most days without anxiety and irrational thoughts. But just because I feel better, doesn’t mean I should stop blogging. Its therapeutic and a great tool!
It’s quite amazing that once you start to recover and heal… You somewhat can’t remember the fears of mental illness. Of course I’m not cured, but it’s absolutely amazing not to wake up anxious! To not overthinking about life and death. Also, not think I’m going to hurt a loved one. It was getting to a point I couldn’t watch tv or movies with violence. I thought I would unintentionally do the same to others.
I’m trying not to overthink too much about anything. I don’t want to become obsessed and only concentrate on negative. For example: If I start thinking about not being able to breathe, I try to switch my thoughts. I tell myself I’m fine, and try my best to stop overthinking.
Sleeping is still a huge issue for me. I’m constantly exhausted. I can sleep all day, and sometimes do. But, I’d rather be tired than live the way I was. I have to figure out a schedule, and stick to it.
I’m still waiting to speak to a counsellor. I’m so thankful I have my fiance and mom to talk to. Without them, I’m not sure where I’d be. Tumblr has also been a lifesaver. Reposting pictures and writing blogs have helped me through some horrible attacks.
Currently I’m feeling a little anxious. But, that’s completely normal. I’m writing about a very sensitive subject. I was inspired to write tonight because I caught myself overthinking. It doesn’t help that I watched a vlog about a woman who took Luvox and was doing great. But, after awhile the medication loss effect. (I didn’t mean to watch the video. I normally stay clear from negativity regarding my medication. I thought it was a success story.) I stated to wonder if I’ll go back to how I was. Or, if my happy feelings would last. I became worried, and decided to open Tumblr. I just have to keep in mind everyone is different, and try not to obsess. I can make it through this.
I’ve been SO proud of myself for barely having anxiety. Yet, tonight is a different story. I’m experiencing odd sensations, mostly located in my chest area. I’m anxious for no reason at all… its frustrating. I should be sleeping… but, this darn illness is keeping me awake.
There’s nothing worse than anxiety. I would much rather be in pain physically than mentally. I have to think positively though. My mental health has been MUCH better this past week. I can’t allow this little tumble to bring me down. I have to pick myself up and keep being positive.
Another thing I have to do is work on my sleeping pattern… it’s ridiculous!! I will fall asleep at 5am, wake up an hour later, send my son off to school then sleep until he gets home. I absolutely hate this… I need to change, its horrible! This weekend I’m going to try my best to get on track. I have to be up early for a job… so, I’m hoping it kicks me in the butt.